Preplanning: Is it a good idea?

One of the most difficult conversations I have with families when a death occurs is asking if the deceased had ever shared what their funeral wishes were.

When the answer is “No, they never wanted to talk about it” — and that happens far more often than you might think — it places a whole extra level of stress and anxiety on the survivors.

Granted, death and funerals aren’t your typical dinner table talk; even broaching the subject is difficult. Our mortality, particularly the older we get, isn’t something we like to think about, much less discuss.

For many, death is the unwelcome guest that invades the family circle, inflicts pain and sorrow, and steals our loved ones away.

Our culture today focuses on youthfulness and its preservation: Exercise, diet, healthy habits and medicines to lower and raise a host of bodily functions all assist in the pursuit of feeling younger and more vital. We are all too busy living to worry much about death. And, when it happens, many are unprepared.

Having the conversation with your family about your end-of-life care and funeral wishes is one of the most considerate things an individual can do.

There are several ways to accomplish this; the first and simplest is to complete a Vermont Advanced Directive (vtethicsnetwork.org; click on the Vermont Advanced Directive Short Form icon).

The Vermont Advanced Directive is a legislatively approved document that allows you to appoint a health care agent whose legal responsibility is to make health care decisions on your behalf if you are unable to.

You state through the directive your overall health care goals, ranging from “I want to have my life sustained as long as possible by any medical means” to “I only want treatment directed toward my comfort.”

It then continues through a series of questions and choices to define a number of life-sustaining or comfort measure options. In addition, it also has a section pertaining to death care wishes.

This legally binding document, approved by the Legislature several years ago, supersedes any other authority, including next of kin, giving the appointed agent the ability to carry out your wishes.

This is an important and valuable tool for all of us to have. Our wishes are known and there is no quandary about what to do.

Another step in preplanning your funeral services is to talk with your local funeral director. We are here to help and serve in any way possible. Funeral directors are a valuable conduit to a number of resources, and can assist in organizing obituary information and funeral service options, and help with information about probate, Social Security, veterans’ benefits and other organizational tools to put your final affairs in order. We help families plan every day; these types of discussions benefit everyone, and they are free.

If you have questions you would like discussed, please email news@waterburyrecord.com and I will be glad to answer them.

Chris Palermo owns Perkins-Parker Funeral Home and Cremation Service in Waterbury. Email letters to news@waterburyrecord.com.