Shumlin, Bernie, baseball, Jurassic Park

The last time a Putney man who governed Vermont with an overwhelming political-party advantage in the Legislature left office, he went to Washington to become a U.S. senator. That’s not going to be on the agenda for Putney’s Peter Shumlin. However, he appears to have applied Putney legend George Aiken’s advice, about warfare that the nation ignored during Vietnam, to his own departure. He’s claimed victory and is heading home.

•••

While sitting atop the mountain after this weekend’s tardy sunset, gaze westward into the clear, cool night sky. Those bright lights rising just above Lake Champlain are those of the now world-renowned Clinton County Correctional Center in Dannemora, N.Y. What level of perverse evil genius did it take to bring “The Shawshank Redemption” to life? Fascinating, to say the least.

•••

Upon further review, that being a rerun of “The Roosevelts” on PBS, Eleanor still comes out on top as history’s winner among the trio from exclusive New York neighborhoods of what we call today “one-percenters.” So, who would have thought that a guy from Brooklyn’s ghetto would combine the populist strengths of all three and run for president? Meet Bernie Sanders: socialist, big-bank basher, environmentalist and little people spokesman. Let the debates begin.

•••

And upon further fantasy thought, why don’t Bernie and Rand Paul team up and run as the Social-Libertarian Coalition. That gets them into the Main Event with the Dem and GOP survivors, livens up the debates and drains equal “Nader votes” off each mainstream party. If they pulled off a Fred Tuttle miracle, they could flip a coin each month to see who would be president.

•••

If I were on a jury deciding between big schools and small schools sharing, or not sharing, Vermont’s future school turf, I’d have to say proponents of “not sharing” have failed to make a case beyond a reasonable doubt, especially on the financial side of the ledger. A combination of 21st-century technology, thinking-outside-the-box personnel deployment and incentives for parental involvement could at least keep the K-5 kids in their hometowns before any regional shift. It’s worth a serious shot before implementing the alternatives.

•••

Speaking of technology: With eyesight, memory and coordination fading among baby-boomers, it may be time to revisit Internet website sign-on procedures, especially those managing your money. You type in your password, which appears as black dots you can’t read. You are rejected, probably by a typo that you can’t identify. You type the full password again with another typo you can’t see. Now you are told to create a new password, which requires you to take a text message code on your cellphone if you have one. This requires you to write down a new password that will now be confused in your mind with the old one. That’s if you can recall your mother’s first elementary school, your third dog’s name, or your favorite Vermont ski trail. We go through this just to check a bank balance?

•••

Dear new baseball commissioner: I’m tired of seeing left-handed batters, especially Big Papi, ground out to right field into these shifts that make the game even more boring for the younger set. In football, players must line up and remain in a prescribed position until the ball is snapped. In baseball, the seven defending players (no pitcher-catcher) should be limited to no more than four players located on one side of a direct line from home plate to second base to the center field wall until the pitcher releases the ball. Break the rule, the batter goes to first base.

•••

And when the commissioner is done dealing with that issue, perhaps Vermont entrepreneurs in the wood industry might research a win-win opportunity with the sport. I ran across a recent article stating that Vermont has 119 million ash trees. Figure a way to erase the scourge of the emerald ash borer, and get to work producing white ash baseball bats before some player or spectator is killed by a flying shard off the deadly hard maple bat now falling out of favor for that reason. Besides, we know there are better ways to utilize maple trees.

•••

Maybe when the U.S. Justice Department finishes “finishing off FIFA” and its corrupt soccer thugs, it might turn its focus to Congress. How many favors are “bestowed” upon congresspersons for past services rendered as they become hired lobbyists in retirement? It appears the going rate for former high school wrestling coaches who then rise to lead Congress is about $11 million these days. What’s the difference? Pay attention, folks.

•••

I’m guessing Stowe Cinema got its money’s worth out of its liquor license in the past week. Not from me, however. I passed on this summer’s blockbuster, “Jurassic World,” after seeing the original “Jurassic Park” while on vacation 23 years ago. Back then, even without the 3D and the other exponential technical advances in film presentation, it was all we could do to stagger afterward across the street and gulp down two double gin and tonics.