COVID-19 test

Josh O’Gorman takes selfies of his test.

I’d be lying if I said I wanted to do this.

But, I’m not going to lie to you, any more than I was going to lie to my doctor when my editor first pitched the idea that I go and get a test.

The pitch came about a month ago, when it was necessary to receive a referral from a doctor to get a test for COVID-19, and since I was blessedly free of any symptoms, no referral was forthcoming. (In the interest of clarity, nobody suggested I lie to my doctor.)

However, two weeks ago, Gov. Phil Scott announced that tests would available to everyone, and now I had no excuse, other than I just really didn’t want a swab jammed into my skull. In short, I had no excuse at all.

Since mid-March, I have done my level best to adhere to the recommendations from the CDC and the Vermont Department of Health — I stay at home, avoid contact with people and wear a mask when out in public. (As an aside, we live in interesting times, when flying a Confederate flag doesn’t make you a racist, but wearing a mask means you’re a libtard who hates the president, at least according to the angry men who yell at me on the street.)

So, absent any legitimate excuse, I signed up online for a test. From the start, it’s been clear that testing is a good idea, and the lack of testing in the early months of the pandemic was driven less by what was good for public health and entirely by the fact that we, as a nation, were completely unprepared and didn’t have enough tests to go around.

In truth, the hardest part about the test was deciding I was going to get one. After that, the rest was easy. I made an appointment online, showed up at my scheduled time and was tested immediately. No long wait; no wait at all.

As for the test itself, it’s a bit unpleasant, much like the feeling right before you sneeze, but much stronger. The good news is that, immediately afterward, there’s no lingering feeling at all. My eyes watered a little bit, and that’s about as bad as it got.

As I write this, five days after taking my test, I await my results. I feel fine. Fingers crossed.

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